#THESECRETSHEKEPT

I was fortunate enough to catch the awesome movie last night based on the book written by ReShonda Tate Billingsley.  Loved it!  Mental Illness (I wish we could come up with a prettier term) is such an embarrassment to communities as a whole.  Especially the Black community.  Why else would we practice the age old act of 'If we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist'.

As a society we are hurting and desperate for healing.  Healing can happen if there's no acknowledgement.  Thank God for those who say 'Screw scorn! It is what it is and THIS is what IT looks like!'. I am one of those people.  I lied to myself and others so long about how I was doing I almost lost my life... a few times.  I identified with many scenes, particularly the 'I hate taking medicine.', 'I'll take it when I NEED it.  

They say the struggle is real...well the STIGMA is REALER!!! One of my biggest pet peeves and 0to100's are the remarks that fly out of those that are fueled by assumption.  "

#EARTHANGELS

I don't think anyone ever learns how to deal with death and dying.  It's something we learn to accept and slowly try to move on.

My heart has been really heavy this week because another loving spirit has left us. This man was truly an awesome husband, father, friend and co worker.  

                                      

MR IKE DANNY WILLIAMS

He and my mom worked together as Correctional Officers.  Two of our sons were born a day apart so my mom recommended me as a babysitter.  

Ike Danny Jr. & Phillip Jabari Circa 1994
I had 'twins' before I had twins😇😇

  He was always upbeat and positive.  I don't think I ever even heard him cuss.  At the end of a long day at the prison when he'd pick up Ike Jr. he was always smiling and...'jovial'.  It feels weird to use that word, cause I RARELY DO, but that's exactly what he was. I remember him ungrudgingly volunteering for the dunk tank during our Juneteenth picnics year after year when no one else would.  And later when I started working at the prison he always joined in our Black History celebrations...even though he was tired from working a shift.   Being a single mother, I would always appreciate when he and his wife Kenya would often invite my son to their house to swim or to go on certain family outtings.  That alone was such a blessing.  It's awesome when someone unrelated takes it upon themselves to give time to children in need. 

MS IRIS THORNTON
(holding the sign) 

I never had any uncles or aunties in my life but Ms Iris definitely filled that void.  She was truly my Big Mamma.  When me and her daughter Quida, better known as LADYQQT!, first met, Iris quickly embraced me and treated me like her own.  Good and bad LOL.  She was quick to check you when you needed to be checked.  I loved spending holidays at their house.  She was so real and full of life.  No pretentiousness...just good ole down home Mississippi Love.  If she were here today, she would remind us that we were ladies, "With all CAPITAL LETTERS!!". Dayuum!  I miss that LADY.  
I smell her fragrance...Aromatics Elixir by Clinique.  

During one of our last phone conversations she lifted my spirits when she told me that even when people treat me wrong don't let it change me cause I have..."a lotta love to give".  She spoke those words 13 years ago right before she died and I will never forget them.  I heard T. D. Jakes say your love reservoir may be 100 gallons, but you can't expect the same from someone who's is only 100 ounces. Iris had GALLONS of love.  I'm sad now...cause I'm understanding how RARE 'good spirits' are.  People who GENUINELY want the best for you and love you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Neither of these people were perfect. But what you saw was what you got.  You never had to guess what was on their minds.  In this world today, when it's easy to get caught up in people, places and things...we need a reality check.  People who keep it real all the time, keep you grounded...keep it one hundred.  

MS SHIRLEY BABER

Shirley carried me in her belly for 9 months. Unfortunately, after years of anticipating meeting my birth mom, after years of watching Oprah Winfrey reunions, she died of kidney failure right before we met.  The day I got that phone call was the worst f#cking day of my life.  I'll never get to tell her thank you for trying to give me a better life.  Thank you for not getting an abortion.  It's hard for me to think about her without my throat getting tight and my eyes welling up with tears. She was honest with herself and made a painful choice.

With this in mind, I practice transparency on a daily.  I'm honest with myself about where I am here and now and I try not to take myself so seriously that I forget God's in control.  I learned that the hard way.  I know God never gives us more than we can bare without giving us a way of escape.

  

I've prayed many times "Lord keep me humble..", cause I see the result of what pride of life, pride of the flesh and pride of the eyes is.  The Word tells us the end result of pride

I believe that because I've prayed that prayer... I often find myself in extremely humbling circumstances.  God chastens his own.  I'd rather get to heaven full of scratches and scars than hell flawless  LOL.  

Your will be done Lord...FOREVER!!!